Dating is hard for all ages; dating and uncertainty go hand in hand. Sometimes you wonder if you will meet “The One” or if you will be single forever. When you finally meet someone, have a great conversation, and decide to go on a date, a question is raised: should you split the bill or should the guy pay for the date?

With more dating apps than ever, guys are less willing to put in effort on dates. If it doesn’t work out for them, they can always go back to their dating site/app and find another girl. None of my girlfriends, including me, are pleased by this trend. It leads one to wonder whether traditional chivalrous acts are disappearing or if men just want to make it easier on their bank account. Because of this trend, many girls feel guilty about expecting a guy to pay so they sometimes anticipate splitting the bill. However, from the girl’s point of view, taking the bill is not about the money, it’s much more about the feeling.

She makes her own money, maybe even more than me. Shouldn’t we split it? If both the man and woman make a good living, then shouldn’t the man paying for the woman be the same as the woman paying for the man? I often hear guys wondering about this. Actually, the idea of a man paying for a date has nothing to do with money. Instead, it’s the concept of chivalry that matters; men should know how to treat a woman well and give her a good first impression.

Dating is about courtship, in which men are the ones who do the pursuing. In the past, it was the man’s job to prove to a woman and her family that he was serious about getting to know her and being a part of her life. Everything requires effort, and dating has no exception. Getting creative with planning the date and even paying for it supports the basic notion of putting in effort and showing your interest in getting to know her. When you pay for dinner, drinks, or entertainment, it is made clear that the date is not a regular hangout or networking event—it is conveyed that it is a DATE and that you are serious about getting to know her. Being thoughtful and paying attention to what she likes can also make you stand out from the rest of your competitors.

If you’re going out on multiple first dates per week, then I get it… paying for every first date will consume a huge amount of your resources. However, quality over quantity is better strategy, especially for dating. If your strategy is to go out with as many girls as you possibly can to improve your chances, you will become jaded very quickly. By pushing yourself to pay for the dates that you are actually excited about generates a great feeling inside you. Planning and paying for a date will not become an issue if you choose your dates wisely. Only investing your time, energy, and resources in the dates you’re actually excited about is definitely the way to go.

Many men usually say, “Women just want free dinners.” Actually, she doesn’t need you to pay for her dinner, and she might even offer to split it. But if you want to win her heart, don’t take the offer. She wants to be swept off of her feet, to be romanced, valued, pursued, and appreciated. That is why you pay for the date. It’s symbolic; like slaying the dragon, or killing the spider.

When you are excited to go on a date, you want to give a good first impression by looking great in front of her. Girls also want to look gorgeous for you. Do you know how much cosmetics cost? How much sexy lingerie costs? How long it takes to pick a nice dress and put on a full face of makeup? Sometimes they even spend money to buy new shoes or to get their hair and nails done. Do you have any idea the cost of a manicure, pedicure, and haircut? You, on the other hand, are only paying for the dinner. Please don’t say women just want free rides; they probably pay even more than you do, but they have never complained. Paying for dinner is not about the money. It is about looking good for your partner. It is about giving them a good impression and maybe, in the future, getting to spend more time with them. Next time when you tell your date, “Wow, you look stunning!” think about how much effort she puts into herself in order to have the perfect date with you. The right woman doesn’t want your house, your car, or money. She wants your time, effort, honesty, loyalty, and most importantly, your respect. These are the things that are truly valuable to her.

Chivalry is fading out of the current dating scene, but it still plays an extremely important role. I would like to share a quote that I feel perfectly conveys this idea…

“For me chivalry consists of small courteous acts displayed by a man toward a woman that serve as a symbol for the differences between men and women. Chivalry is not about either the inferiority or the lofty superiority of women. Instead, it can foster mutual respect and remind us of our underlying biological differences and the complementary nature of the sexes. These little social gestures add some texture to a social life that often feels bland and homogenized.” ~ Brett McKay