It happens to the best long-term relationships. You’ve found your groove, and suddenly, weekend nights with your partner are spent on the couch watching Netflix reality shows instead of having sex on every available surface. In fact, you can’t remember the last time you had sex. Was it in fall? Or even further back?

The problem with bringing it up is that it can hurt your partner. By saying, “We don’t have sex anymore,” it can seem blunt and painful by accusing her of withholding sex. You have to approach the subject with tact and delicacy! Luckily, it’s possible to talk about your sexual needs without being hurtful. Here’s how:

1. Ask About Her Needs First

Instead of asking her why you two don’t have sex anymore, find out how she feels! It’s very possible she feels your sex life is lacking too, and hasn’t been initiating sex for some reason. Phrase it thoughtfully as this will signal to her that you’re being considerate, not selfish.