I love my boyfriend, but after five years together my feelings are not as strong as they used to be. Meanwhile, I’ve had a very intense crush on a famous musician for 15 years. Despite the fact that he is now bald and nearing 40, I am utterly obsessed. My boyfriend knows about my crush, but not the extent of it.

I’ve read, watched and listened to countless interviews with the musician, and feel I know almost as much about him as I do my partner. He’s kind, creative, cultured, vegan and an animal lover – basically, everything that I look for in a man, and many things that my boyfriend is not.

I am under no illusion that he and I will ever be together, but I fantasise constantly about us meeting, becoming lovers and eventually having a daughter together. I also think about him when I masturbate and, I’m ashamed to say, even when I’m in bed with my boyfriend. In a weird way, I am in love with him, even though he has no idea that I exist.

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